What Dancing does to me

I discovered Dance quite late in my life. Never took it seriously during college performances. But three years ago, when I attended my first Contemporary dance class, unknowingly I started a journey. It began with body pain, cramps, scrapes, burns, and related family members. After every class I would feel like a war hero who just happened to survive the battlefield. A waging soldier desperately pushing the limits of her strength. A satisfying feeling of heroism slowly kicked in…

*fast forward to 2015*

Muscle Memory. Something I never knew existed, until my dance instructor told me about it.
Over the years, me and Dance have been engaging in an on-and-off celebrity-style relationship. What I found so magical was that every time I got back to it, we had a spark. What I couldn’t do earlier, I can do now. What I could do earlier, I now do it better. There is something so fascinating about this phenomenon.

In my entire life, only thrice have I given dance auditions. And all three times I have shamelessly lost. After each rejection, I go into a temporary mode of dejection. In this ultimate state of sanity, I make the most ground-breaking decisions. Quit dancing. Take up a new interest. Forgo the past.

Yet, there is a magnetic force that pulls me back to it each time I try to break-up. It could be how this Art amalgamates the best of all worlds. A fusion of music, movement, and expression. My hyper-active brain went on to crack more codes with acute self-analysis. The outcome was unnaturally simple – I dance, because it makes me Happy.

So if one or two people think I don’t make the cut, that’s fine with me. Because this is something I do for myself. Dance is my elixir of joy.

The wooden floor transforms,
A holy space is formed
Costumes and colours shine,
Devout as in a shrine
Spirits surround in high,
Surfacing in nervous sighs
Excitement fills the air,
As performers look debonair.

It all comes down to this
The months of preps
The move of hips
The look of lips.
Busy days and sleepless nights
Planning and practicing
It all comes down to this
Hours of toil to minutes on stage.

Names are announced,
Music is turned loud
My heartbeats race
The curtains rise
And then, the lights come on.

Showtime.
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And then, there was Light.

“Oh God, please give words to my thoughts!!”, I prayed. It’s been almost two months since I’ve blogged and there are so many thoughts cluttered in my brain struggling to be released. It’s a tough tide when you’re engulfed in so much emotions that words start to fail you. And of late, the dominant emotion seems to be one that used to be just an occasional visitor. But it now seems to have erected a tent pole in this previously undiscovered territory of my brain. This spirit is discreetly sending signals that it’s going to be around for sometime. Welcome, Inspiration.

I was fortunate to attend a session by Karen Walker today. Thanks to her truly inspiring talk, it unclogged the trapped thinking notes through my fingertips as I gleefully tapped away to produce tiny little black fonts flowing in to fill my off-late empty wordpress screen. They stared at me along with the blinking cursor in sheer bewilderment. Long time, no see?

The last time I had written about quarter-life crisis, I was in a rocky boat in translucent oblivion. I’d like to believe I finally learnt to use the oars without a users’ manual and sailed towards safe harbor. Back then, what drove me was not inspiration, but mere craving for a state of stability. It’s interesting how the course of nature has coarsely spat me out exactly where I wanted to land. Therefore, here I am, at the best of I’ve ever been, and feeling inspired.

A collective conjuring clasped me callous,

Off-guard it unleashed a dreamy adventure

It swept me away with traveler’s lure

And spun me around almost psychedelic.

Creased yet not bruised, I landed much a relic

Slightly ambushed, greatly curious, unbelievably alive.

Impulsive explorations stumbled on surprises

Dug from no dearth of infinity,

Dawned a mysterious charm. It

Cured the past, created the present, coaxed the future.

Berserk thoughts ignited sparks,

Trying to unveil that hiding life, as I searched

Every dimension of mind,

Every lingering feeling,

Every fleeting memory.

Until, it suddenly,

Awoke itself.

There it was, in majestic glory,

Shining like a flaming star.

And then,

There was Light.

Yes, it was light. I had found light. I now know what I want. I know what to do. Light is knowledge. It is knowing what you want to do in your life. It is knowing what you want to be in your life. It is that which is going to guide. It is where you find your inspiration.

For me it all boils down to two sentences. And if you’re thinking the same, then you may have found your light:

I’m not here to survive. I’m here to conquer.

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Dreams Have Wings

Star dust sprinkled on a lucky charm

A mistletoe hid a hushed gentle kiss

A shooting star swished the mysterious sky

And soon it drizzled the rain god’s grace.

The misty air saved some magic,

Just enough to keep me going.

While I rowed through the moon-lit river,

Warm calmness poured into my heart.

The narrowed stream lead me curious

Deeper into the dark night sky

I paddled through the cool, still, water

As ripples disappeared into muddy land.

This nocturnal life I would love to live,

And embrace the silence of sleeping dreams.

But dreams of mine, and dreams of yours

Need to see light, needs a new life

While cozy blankets keep them safe,

It’s the morning shine that gives them strength.

Let them out into the light

And slide along the rainbow bright.

Scatter the dream seeds into fields of faith

Watch them flourish and take flight.

Declare your dreams

To yourself, from your heart,

You will seek meaning no more,

Because your life has a dream.

 

What is your motivation? What is it that you really want to do in your life? Are you happy at present?

Every now and then, a self-check on our goals can turn out to be eye-openers.

One year ago, I had no idea what on earth I wanted to do with my life. I did the right things, I lived the happening life, I earned the good cash. But I wasn’t happy. I knew I hadn’t found my life’s calling. I was, lost.

Seek, and you shall find. So true. It is only once I started searching that I realized what I really wanted to do. And once I did, everything else fell into place. Those new aspirations I found- I named them Dreams.

Reminds me of something Abdul Kalam once said- “You have to dream before your dreams can come true.” Just as we need food and water, we all need dreams. Dreams give you a purpose in life. They are the best navigators.

Let your dreams row your life. And I promise, you will not get lost.

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Take-Off and Landing

‘Change is the only Constant’ is as cliched as it is true. At some point of life, we need to face change. And even go one step ahead, have to accept the change. It could be people. It could be places. We have to leave. Or we have to live without. But most of the times, it is the people that make you miss a place. Without those people in it, that place wouldn’t really mean much to you. It is the memories with those people that are going to make it difficult for you to leave.

I have one week to leave India. And return to the land I grew up. My life here has been nothing less than happening. I cannot count the number of friends I’ve made here. Though I do know the number of frenemies I’ve earned. So many  places I’ve explored from here and within here. The not-so-normal weekends. The not-so-healthy controversies. Parties gone wild. Shopping gone out of control. Eating out as a routine. Laughing loud as a habit.

Here I have seen a significant sample of human species’ behaviour, characteristics and animal instincts. People have never failed to amuse me. And at several junctures down the lane, I met  people who get me. Who are not just okay with who I am, but love me for it. Some I’ve met very few times, some I’ve known for years. In any case, bonding is not time-sensitive. We all need such people in our lives. Who connects with us. Who cares for us. Who prays for us and also pries. And when you’re living in a place you love, with those people called friends, the goodbyes gets difficult.

I know I have to leave. I have to move on. I have to see new places. Find new friends. Search for better opportunities. Chase my Dreams. What is life without a few travels and relocations. You don’t wana be stuck in the same city, going to the same places, doing the same things again. And again. And again. In fact, the more you move around, the more experiences you gain. The more stories you collect. Stories with you in it and the stories of others. There is newness. Newness I have to embrace.

Just when I thought I have seen the end of a rugged road, I see myself standing at the foot of a winding hill. I don’t know how high it is until I start climbing it. But one thing I know for sure is, the view from the top of the hill is totally worth the journey.

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